Skim Boarding = Lame

I'm going to tell it to you straight this week, Meredith is with her best friend, Alison, in Florida on vacation. The little focus I have is virtually nil this week, which makes blogging particularly hard. In fact, I am lucky that I can get internet here in Naples, FLA in Alison's grandmother's elderly community. Old people love golf, but WiFi? Not so much. But, I knew the time had come to give in and pull out a blog for the week except the tank was empty for ideas and the combo of too much sun and beverages were certainly not helping. So, while sitting on the beach taking in the sights, Alison and I found ourselves thoroughly entertained for hours by two things: 1. A man in a speedo with legs neither one of us could ever hope to have and 2. Skim Boarders.

Alison cannot contain her delight. Photo by me.

Number 2 particularly had us in stitches because the two young boys we were watching couldn't ride a wave for more than a second without totally humiliating themselves and wiping out in the surf (note: these boys were all of 14-years-old, yes we find pleasure in watching children hurt themselves, sick I know). But our perverse humor did not stop there, we also took advantage of my camera and tried to catch the wipe outs on film.


Legs that no man should have. Photo by me.













So, why am I telling you all of this? Mostly because it was the only sports related thing that has happened to me on this trip (besides old people tanning, if there was a contest to see how leathery one could get, every 70-year-old Floridian would beat me), but also because I feel the need to inform you that skim boarding is the lamest sport ever and if you partake, I will probably make fun of you. I have broken down skim boarding into these steps: 1. Get a bro with sun-in in his hair and a scrawny body 2. get an appliance that looks like an overweight skateboard sans wheels, 3. stare at the ocean for a few minutes until a meager wave is about to break near the water's edge, 4. run quickly towards the water's edge with board in hand, 5. throw board, 6. jump onto board, 7. Enjoy 2 seconds "skimming" the water and either A. step off gingerly or B. fall on your derriere to the delight of 20 something year old girls' on the beach.


Skim boarding bros. Photo by me.

There you have it, that is the sport of skim boarding. The point? I'm not sure. It looks neither fun and apparently it is extremely dangerous. According to the journalistically sound "Wikipedia" skim boarding can cause: "fractures or dislocations of the lower limbs, bruises, and if knocked unconscious, drowning." Seriously, if I die from skim boarding, someone better lie in my Obituary and claim that a surfing accident or sky diving caused my unfortunate early demise.


Why is this a sport. Photo by me.
Yes I admit this blog is more an opportunity for me to rant than anything else and if you disagree, fine with me, leave a comment and let me know the finer points of skim boarding (what they may be, I do not know). All I'm saying is that if you want to impress chicks (boys) or not lose a bathing suit in the process (ladies) I do not recommend skim boarding. Go to the beach to tan, surf, throw around a football, kick around a soccer ball, heck, float around on a noodle, but stay away from the skim board, you will thank me later for it.