I was given a great topic to blog about this week. The NFL Draft. The most drawn out, over hyped event in sports. But I'm sick of being negative all the time. Into every blog a little light must shine every once in a while. Plus, sports fans think they come off more knowledgeable by bashing everyone and everything in sports. Sometimes I even get suckered into that way of thinking. Actually, I always get suckered into that way of thinking.
You deserve better from me, so that's what I am going to deliver.
What follows is my Top Nine Reasons to Love the NFL Draft *(Please read the disclaimer at the bottom afterwards).
9. Obviously Mel Kiper's hair. No punch line needed.
8. It's a great opportunity to play drinking games. Like taking a drink every time Kiper says "impact player". Before the first round is over you end up drunker than Tony LaRussa at a red light.
7. You get to make fun of Mr. Irrelevant (the last pick in the draft). It must really suck to be him. He probably won't make his team and he'll be stuck on the practice squad all year. So he'll only make $5,000 a week while practicing football with NFL stars. Haha, what a loser.....wait...
6. If you were watching the draft that means you weren't at the Pirate game and didn't see Matt Morris give up 6 runs in 1.2 innings. Random, I know, but still a good reason.
5. Watching the Draft is a great excuse to keep you from having to cut the grass, go shopping, walk the dog, pay the bills, clean your house, take a shower, paint the deck, wash your car, do the dishes, cure cancer, do laundry, watch an NHL playoff game, balance your checkbook, etc.
4. You get to see athletes who are younger than you and dumb as dirt become millionaires right in front of your eyes. Who cares if Vince Young thinks 7+7=banana. All that matters is that he can throw touchdowns...at least, they keep telling us he can.
3. The Browns had to wait four rounds to make their first pick. Good. Everyone hates the Browns. Even people from Cleveland.
2. The Steelers draft better baseball players than the Pirates do. In the 5th round they took Oregon QB Dennis Dixon. Dixon also played minor league baseball in the Braves system in 2007.
And the top reason to love the NFL Draft...
1. It's football in April. Real football, not that futbol junk. Who cares about Ronaldo.
*Actually I hate the draft. I don't want to watch football in April. I want to watch the NBA playoffs and MLB games and the Family Guy and Seinfeld reruns. It is possible to have too much of a good thing...except whoppers, I could eat them all day.
Top Nine Reasons to Love the NFL Draft
It's Time to Have "The Talk"
Ok kids, it's time for Aunty Meredith to give you all "the talk." For all you boys out there, you can stick around, but "the talk" is not directed towards you. And at this point I am going to stop putting the phrase "the talk" into quotations. So, grab your sleeping bag, snuggle up around the campfire, and get ready for Aunty Meredith to give you the talk.
And yes, this is the birds and the bees talk and by birds and the bees I obviously mean men and women working in sweet harmony in the world of sportscasting! Where did you think I was going with that? sheesh. But let me tell you a little secret kids, it isn't true. Men and women do not work in harmony in the world of sports journalism and you might as well know that now before you start your careers.
When I first began sportscasting I looked at my sex as an advantage. I was the only female sportscaster on a college news program; I provided diversity among the sportscasting team. This wasn't a smart way of thinking. Although being a female may have helped me get the job, I should have focused more on whether or not I was chosen because I was, in fact, a solid sportscaster.
It wasn't until I became the Director of Sports for my news program that I first felt the sting of sexism. And it wasn't necessarily that my fellow male counterparts blatantly looked down on me but there was a certain level of distrust. For instance, I would receive calls and emails to make sure I didn't "miss" important stories that were going on in sports. Would that happen to a male Sports Director? I think not. And let me tell you another secret, doing sports for a localized news program isn't rocket science, Local sports first, everything else second. It's a pretty self explanatory formula. And then there was the rewriting of my scripts or simply not using my stories. There were times as an Assistant Sports Director that I would write stories and have them not show up in the script, with other stories put in their place instead. You would think once I became Sports Director that this would all change but no, my stories still were rewritten, highlights and v.o's cut without my permission, and essentially my title of Sports Director became just that, a title, and nothing else.
Now before you label this as a bitter diatribe, I know that I could have done more to reclaim my title of Sports Director. I know I should have put my foot down and spoken up when I bit my tongue instead but I didn't and I am telling you all this so that you can stand up for yourself when the time comes. Because let me tell you something ladies, respect in the world of sports is a hard thing to gain. Men will never think you know enough, no one will trust you to run a sports department, and even other woman in the field will hate you because you are their competition. Because remember, there are only so many female sportscasting positions to go around.
But don't wave your white flags just yet, look at this as a helpful warning, something I would have liked to have heard as a naive freshmen. Being a female sportscaster is difficult, don't listen to those news anchor girls who complain about not getting respect, being a woman in sports is harder. But that doesn't mean it's impossible. Getting a foot in the door as a female is fairly easy, but do not rest on that. Continually brush up on your sports knowledge, strive to be the best, and when anyone treats you like you don't deserve to be in the position you're in, stand up for yourself. The second they know they can walk all over you, they'll never stop.
Female Athletes and Moving Crotches
You may have noticed my two day hiatus from the blog. And if you didn't, well shame on you I blog every Monday don't forget that. But alas, the reason for my hiatus? Forensics Nationals at Tennessee State University in Nashville, duh.
Ok let's just get it out of the way and answer all your questions. No forensics isn't science, it's a term for competitive speech and debate. No I do not debate nor do I debate dead bodies (I seriously was asked that). It's sort of like competitive acting in a sense.
And I know it is probably a shock because I know how you all look up to me as a sports goddess of the blogosphere. And I also know it is hard to believe that I would look forward to waking up at 5:00am for four straight days just to put on a suit and compete in front of judges for top rankings in public speaking, but trust me, it's super cool.
And want to know what is even cooler!? I won.....sort of. Well I made it to finals in ADS (after dinner speaking which is a persuasive speech with humor) and I was one of the few from the northeast to make it that far and one of the youngest in my final round. And want to know something even cooler than that!? I was known as the magical crotch girl at my tournament! Now, to some of you that is simply disgusting but I'm sure that you are wondering why and the only thing I am going to say is that, it's my coaches fault. He decided that nothing would be funnier than a vagina joke in my ADS...unfortunately he was right.
But why was I talking about lady parts in the first place in my ADS? Well that is because my speech was on how female athletes are hyper sexualized by the media to reinforce gender stereotypes that society has given women! Duh. And now we have reached the point of my blog and it only took 4 paragraphs! Although my speech did well at Nationals, I was surprised by the reaction of most of my judges. Many of them seemed to believe that this wasn't a significant societal issue.
To which I responded, shame on you judges! Well, actually I didn't say that. I just spent the night convincing myself that they were just jealous of my ADS prowess. But then I started to think, why do people think that this isn't an issue? Why was my speech on sexism among female athletes less of an issue than the other girl who did a speech about snowmen and how they are a symbol of racism in America? Snow is white, that cannot be changed, female athletes being portrayed as sex symbols can be changed.
I'll admit, in many ways, female athletes have taken strides to gain respect in their realm of sports. Maria Sharapova is a more talented Anna Kournikova, Danica Patrick is one of the pioneers of women in NASCAR, and Amanda Beard helps teach ditzy blonde's who date men old enough to be their great-great grandfather how to swim! (obviously I'm talking about Holly, Hugh Hefner's main girlfriend.) But for all of the titles Sharapova wins, she also stars in commercials that focuses on her looks and not her athletic ability. And last time I checked, it's pretty hard to fit a camera under your skirt in your spanks, Sharapova. And Danica Patrick, you may have added a feminine touch to NASCAR, but that doesn't mean you have to pose next to your car in lingerie with your buttcrack hanging out. Now I know what you're thinking, half of NASCAR in general walks around with their buttcrack's hanging out but have you ever seen Jeff Gordon in a two piece posing over his car? Nope. And I hope I never have to. And hey, Amanda Beard, you may be a breaststroker but that doesn't mean you have to take racy photos with your top off.
So we have determined that sexism is alive and well in female athletics and although it may not be as big of an issue as the water crisis or gas shortage in America, we still perpetuate the issue when we refuse to acknowledge that it exists. Women's suffrage may have happened decades ago but things are far from equal in sports. Besides sexism, female athletes rarely receive media coverage. How many times have you seen a women's sporting event on ESPN or in Sports Illustrated magazine? And no, the SI Swim Suit edition doesn't count as a women's sporting event. A female athlete is only respected when she is hot and talented, or just hot, but god forbid she is an average looking women or even a lesbian (gasp!) and she suddenly receives less media coverage.
Still don't believe me? Search for pictures of some of your favorite leading ladies in female athletics and see how many pictures pop up of her half naked. And tune into the summer olmypics this summer and watch for how many television profiles they run that concentrate on "prettY" athletes. And then, judges where ever you are, come back and tell me that female athletes aren't hyper-sexualized by the media. Yeah, that is what I thought.
ESPN and World Domination
Quick, at the count of three say out loud who won the Stanley Cup last season.
One.
Two.
Three...
You don't know, do you? Well, the answer is the Anaheim Ducks. Now, name five players on the Ducks besides Goldberg and Gordon Bombay. Probably can't do that either. That's because ESPN has given the NHL as much airtime as women's billiards (which is fine).
What brought up this quiz was an article I read in this months ESPN Magazine (which is a great magazine by the way, I recommend it over Sports Illustrated and Sporting News, but right below Penthouse). Mike Greenburg and Mike Golic wrote that the reason Hockey isn't as popular as the other major sports is because they don't have any recognizable superstars. They said most Americans could be standing right next to Sidney Crosby in a bar and not even know it's him (which is good because he isn't 21 yet).
The lack of the recognizable athlete is what keeps the casual fan disinterested. Every sport has loyal fans, but its the casual fans that boost the popularity. They are the fans who tune in just to see the superstars like LT, Kobe or Albert Pujols.
And ESPN is solely responsible for this. I think it has become obvious that ESPN controls what is newsworthy in the sports world. If they want to promote a game on prime time, they advertise the hell out of it, making it seem like the game of the century, and people buy into it. But they haven't had any NHL games since the strike. Which means hockey is low priority. If it isn't on their airwaves, then there is no need to promote it.
Think hard to last time SportsCenter devoted more than 10 minutes to the ice. Barry Melrose must work about five minutes a night on the air. Which sucks for him because it probably takes him at least thirty minutes to fix up his mullet.
So until ESPN gets the rights back to air the games, don't expect the NHL's popularity to rise to any new levels. You may hate it, but it's smart business. ESPN has us in the palm of their hands.
Pants Optional
I had my first experience in a Major League clubhouse this past weekend at PNC Park. I'll admit, it was a little intimidating at first. All the big money superstars walking around - wait, never mind. I was in the Pirates clubhouse. That was a cheap shot, sorry.
But I've heard all the stories about how laid back it can be, almost like a social hall in a college dorm. And all those stories were true. Well, minus the half naked guys walking around. I don't know what kind of college you went to, but it didn't go down like that at Pitt.
The following 17 lines in no way contain any valuable advice for anyone. It might actually make you dumber by reading it. So please, feel free to skip to the asterisk if you are looking to learn anything.
The first night I went was a Friday when the Penguins happened to be playing a playoff game right down the street. There were almost as many people in the press box as there were in the stands (I counted ten. Not ten thousand. Ten.) And there were even fewer in the clubhouse before the game. In fact, I was the only one. It might have something to do with the fact that I got there at 4:00 for a 7:05 game. As I waited for the one player I needed to talk to for the story I was writing, I took notice of the following surroundings.
- Baseball players don't like to wear pants.
- About 95% of players chew tobacco (which is fine by me).
- The Latin players like to play checkers, and the winner usually rubs it in by pulling down his pants and mooning the loser.
- Baseball players don't like to wear pants. Did I say that already?
With the exception of strippers, what other profession has the option of not wearing pants at the workplace? I know I'm jealous. Although, I would be a little embarrassed by my cartoon boxers with little baseball on them. But I feel like I've given you the reader too much information.
Annyywayyss, back to my main story. The player I needed to talk to ended up disappearing and no one could find him. But, thankfully I also had a press pass for the Sunday afternoon game, too. And luckily, I caught him then.
* And now to put a Danny Tanner-like lesson on this particular blog. Usually when I go to games or press conferences, I don't talk to anyone. But I was feeling frisky this time, so I started a conversation with the reporter next to me. His name was Max and he just happened to own his own website and radio station. He also just happened to be looking for a freelance writer to cover a few local sports stories. He asked for my information and said he would be in touch.
Nothing would have happened if I didn't introduce myself. Who knows what can come from this? Maybe I'll get a few assignments. Maybe I can make some extra cash and eventually move out of my parents house. Maybe he'll make me part owner of his website?
There is actually a better chance of him making me part owner of his website. If I move out of my house who would do my laundry?
No More Drama
Saturday was the perfect day for a trip to the Cape. Sure the weather was crappy and I was unable for various reasons, mostly because of drinking too much apple juice and lemonade with my uncle the night before, to get off the couch for a good part of the day, but nonetheless, twas' a jolly good day on the Cape. But you know what makes a day on the Cape even better? An afternoon Sox vs. Yankees game at Fenway Park. Yes, Saturday was the perfect day. I had my uncle, my aunt, my younger cousin, a much needed couch, two Tylenol, snacks, and....two unwanted house guests: Joe Buck and Tim McCarver. No matter how hard I willed the TV to play the game on NESN, I was stuck with Joe Buck and Tim McCarver on Fox. I prepared myself for the five hours of non-stop chatter, out of control graphics, dramatic montages, and of course, in game interviews with the managers. Where are Jerry and Don when you need them?
But it was something that Joe said in the first few minutes of the game that inspired this blog. During his intro Joe said something along the lines of, "It's the most dramatic rivalry...... in the history. of. sports. the Yankees......... Vs. The. Red. Sox" (note: I understand grammar but I wanted to add to the dramatic fashion in which he speaks).
You know what? Joe is right....and partially wrong. The Yankees vs. Sox is the most dramatic rivalry in the "history" of sports, but not so much in the present day. In fact, the more I think about it, the more I believe that the rivalry is long gone and truly apart of our history (circa 2003).
I think the rivalry died along with the curse of the Bambino. When the Sox, who were in an 86 year World Series drought and never seemed to catch a break, finally caught a break during the 2004 series against the Yankees and then the World Series, the tables suddenly flipped. It wasn't the Sox that had tragedies like Bucky "Bleeping" Dent and Bill Buckner to reminisce about, in stead they now have two World Series wins in four years while the Yankees are on a mini-drought of their own. In fact, I would go as far as to say that the Sox have all the luck in the world on their side which is mind boggling as a Sox fan.
And apart of me is sad that this rivalry is dead. It added that extra umph that made Sox vs. Yankee games so electric. There was something special about being the under dogs and turning on the TV hoping that today would be the day that the Sox luck turned around. And maybe the rivalry only feels dead to me because I am calmer in my old age of 20 than I was as a sassy teenager (ok I'm still sassy) and maybe it's because I now live in New England instead of New Jersey where I am embraced for being a Sox fan, but still, I really think the rivalry has lost its spark. Those intense intros and in game montages during Sox vs. Yankee games, that used to send chills up my spine, now sound ridiculous. Even Joe Buck, who always sounds over the top seems to be even more absurd during Yankee vs. Sox games as he tries to find the intensity that he just doesn't feel anymore. That a lot of people don't feel anymore.
So, what do you think? Is the rivalry dead? What changed in the Yankees vs. Sox saga? Let me know, post your comments.
How did it feel?
I deliberately waited until after the National Championship game to post my blog this week. Maybe I waited out of pure laziness, or maybe I waited to find a really good topic. We will never know the real answer (anyone that knows me knows there is a 90 percent chance it's laziness).
But I'm just happy I waited because I learned a good lesson. In order to become a sports reporter, you have to be able to ask the stupid questions.
For example, here are a few questions asked during the post game interviews:
Media dude 1 - "Chris Douglas-Roberts, why did you miss those free throws at the end of the game?"
CDR - "Some things just can't be explained in basketball."
What he wanted to say - "Because I had money on the under and I wanted it to cover. Why do you think ass hole?"
Media Dude 2 - "How did it feel when Mario Chalmers made the game tying three at the end of regulation?"
CDR - "It hurt."
What he wanted to say - "It felt great, thanks for bringing it up. How does it feel knowing I make more money from the boosters in a month than you'll make all year."
But the truth is, that little life lesson gives me hope. Because if there is one thing I'm really good at, it would be asking stupid questions.
On a side note, I'm happy that Memphis blew a nine point lead with 2:12 left. There isn't a worse person in sports than John Calipari in my mind. Most people forget he was stripped of a Final Four at UMass after it was discovered Marcus Camby was given Jewelery, cash and prostitutes by an agent while playing. I know what you're all thinking, man I wish I was good enough to play ball at UMass. Well that's not true in my case, I don't mind living with my parents until I turn 30. Or until they go into an assisting living home, whichever comes first. I'm willing to wait them out.
For Every Party There's a Pooper
There are certain things I look forward to that only happen every few years. Halley's Comet (I saw it once in a cartoon, it looked cool), the Presidential Election (less than a year left to go!), Anne Heche's sexual orientation (is she straight, is she gay, is she being abducted by aliens?), and the Olympics.
Above all, I. Love. The. Olympics. I don't care if it's snowboarding, curling, table tennis, gymnastics, diving, swimming, the decathlon, I embrace it all. The Olympics to me is how most people feel about the NCAA; I don't miss a second of the action. Bob Costas and I become fast friends for two short weeks as he acts as my lifeline to the Olympics, keeping me updated on all the days events and the medal totals. (And then Costa's leaves me for two whole years, what a fair weather friend, I don't know what keeps me coming back.) But I do know what keeps me tuning in every two years, I love sports, I love America, I love world domination, so therefore, I love the Olympics.
But of course, like most things in the world, someone ALWAYS has to be raining on my parade. This year the Olympics have faced several problems in the form of protesters who are appealing to countries to boycott the Olympic Games. This is no joke. Germany is considering boycotting the opening ceremony, their have been cries to Congress to boycott the games entirely (luckily Nancy Pelosi has struck down down that idea, smart woman), and just this week in Paris, police had to extinguish the torch twice as it made it' way down the street because of violent protesters in the streets.
So why are there such strong protests against the Beijing Games? Human rights which, even I have to admit, is a good reason to protest. People are passionate against the Chinese rule in Tibet and I support any peaceful stand against a cruel government that is putting their people in danger.
Protests in Paris 
But boycott the games? Come on people leave the Olympics out of this! Continue to protest, use the spotlight that the Olympic Games places on Beijing as a platform for your cause but, leave the games itself out of this. Athletes spend years preparing for these games, it's not their fault the games are being played in Beijing and they are not threatening human rights, Michael Phelps just wants to swim, people!
The Olympic games are an opportunity for the world to unite for two short weeks in healthy competition. Stars are born, cinderella stories unfold, it's more drama than an ABC soap and I love it. I love the Olympics, don't take that away from me. So, let's remember this, violating human rights = bad. Olympic games = good. Chinese government = eh pretty bad. Beijing games = very good. Ian Thorpe in a swimsuit = muy bueno.
So leave my games alone. Let me snuggle up with Bob Costas, watch my games at unheard of hours, loose sleep, gain an unhealthy amount of American patriotism, and enjoy my games in peace. Protest human rights all you want but don't protest the games.
Michael Phelps
gametimeworkouts.com
