My Breakup Letter to Manny Ramirez

My Dearest Manny-

I remember the date like it was yesterday, December 12, 2000, the day our turbulent yet joyous eight year relationship first began. I had my doubts about you at first. I knew you were a strong player but I had, had my heart set on A Rod. He was an equally good player (and a bit cuter than you), my heart was crushed and I didn't know if you were the man to pick up the pieces.

Then in your first game in a Red Sox uniform you crushed a ball over the Green Monster. All of my doubts faded. A Rod was too prissy for my type anyway, I mean seriously, what respectable man gets his tips frosted when he just wears a baseball cap all the time anyway? Yes at that moment I knew our relationship was going to last a lifetime.

Oh how wrong I was.


Photo from flickr.com

Now don't get me wrong Manny, we sure did have some good times together you and me. There was that time you crushed a ball at Fenway which was one 1 inch short of Ted Williams 502ft shot, the longest homerun ever at Fenway. Then there was 2004 when you led the American League in home runs and slugging percentage and you won a little award known as MVP during one of the greatest playoffs in baseball history when the Red Sox won their first title since 1918. You were a big part of that championship team not just because of your athletic ability but because of your personality, your sometimes off beat quirky charm that has led some people to just shake their heads and sigh at the things you do and chalk it up to "Manny being Manny."

And you have certainly had your Manny moments. Like that time you made a diving play to cut off a relay throw from Johnny Damon allowing the opposing player to hit an inside the park home run. Most people would have gotten mad over that, but not the Fenway Faithful. It was just Manny being Manny. Then there was the time you decided to have Good Times (I Get High) play during your plate appearances. Not such a good move. And remember that time when you high-fived a fan in the middle of a double play? Completely unnecessary but one of the funnier moments in baseball. And all of those times the cameras have caught you hanging out in the scoreboard, making phone calls or whatever else you do their in between innings. That score board has become your own treehouse, a very large treehouse in the middle of one of the most beloved ballparks in baseball that is. Then there are your infamous hairstyle changes. You change your hair more than David Beckham and that is saying something. You are silly, unpredictable, and talented and that is why I love you.

But sometimes you have to let go of the ones you love because lately Manny you haven't been giving 100%. Like when you said last year that the Red Sox not making it to the World Series "wouldn't be the end of the world." Well maybe not to you Manny, but to me it was a big deal. I know a lot of Yankee fans, another title gave me something to rub in their faces. Oh and then there was the time a couple of years back where you didn't play the Yankees because of pharyngitis and then were seen out at the bars. Well let me tell you something Manny, I've had pharyngitis and it left me with a 106 fever and in blinding pain for two weeks. Pick a different illness to lie about because I saw right threw that excuse. And then what was with you slapping Kevin Youk earlier this season? Violence is not the answer Manny and you know I don't put up with that kind of stuff.

And finally, what everyone has been talking about, your antics this past weekend. Sore knee? You expect anyone to buy that one? Scratching yourself from the game last minute? Childish. Look Manny, I know you want a better contract and I know you want to test the trade waters, but is this the way to go about it? Is alienating your fans, your beloved fans, the way to go about it? Is severing a rocky but overall good relationship with me and the rest of Boston the only way to get what you want? What's more important, the respect of your fans and playing with a team that you, in the past, have claimed to live for, or is the difference of a few years on your contract and a couple million mean more to you?

Well Manny, clearly you've made your choice. So, as hard as this is for me to say, I am ready to let you go. If you want to leave, then leave, but don't even look back for a second because I will not be there to give you another chance. You have already burned enough bridges and during the second half of the season with the Sox still in contention? Not kosher. I've had it with your antics. If this is Manny being Manny then I don't want Manny at all.

So go play for another team. Go get that long term contract and get those extra millions so that when you eventually get hurt and can't finish out a season, you still make the big bucks, because that is what it is all about, right? Have fun with the Pirates, Marlins, or god forbid the Yankees but don't look for any applause when you make your inevitable return to Fenway because you are welcome here no more. And as far as your beloved treehouse goes, you can find other places to make your phone calls between innings.


Photo from Flickr.com

So I hope you find what you are looking for Manny because I've already moved on. Besides it's all about Jacoby now and he is definitely cuter.

Love,
Meredith