Top Nine Valentine Day Gift Ideas

If you're a typical guy, then you probably didn't know that this Thursday is Valentine's Day. Which means you probably didn't buy your girlfriend anything yet (or boyfriend - who am I to judge). Which means unless you act soon you will probably spend this weekend alone, watching late night Skinamax.

But don't worry, I'm here to help.

The following list contains nine thoughtful and romantic gifts that are sure to make your significant other giggle with delight - assuming she is a sports fan. If she isn't, then you're screwed.

And for the women who read this, just pray that your boyfriend was lucky enough to have picked your gift out from my list.

Top Nine Valentine Day Gifts for the Casual to Heavy Sports Fan

9. A Patrick Ewing game used jock strap - Nothing says I love you more than a salty, sweaty pair of unmentionables. And no one in professional sports has ever perspired more than "The Hoya Destroya."

8. Pittsburgh Pirates season tickets - Can't ever seem to get any privacy? This gift guarantees 81 secluded dates with no one around for miles. As an added bonus, Lanny Frattare will call all the action from the press box. Chicka Chicka yeah.

7. A copy of Bobby Petrino's new book, How To Stay Faithful: A guide to a long lasting, trust worthy relationship - No one knows how to build trust and be a man of his word more than the current Arkansas and former Atlanta Falcons, Louisville Cardinals, Auburn Tigers, Jacksonville Jaguars, Utah State Aggies, Idaho Vandals, Nevada Runnin' Rebels, Carroll Fighting Saints, Arizona State Sun Devils and Weber State Wildcats coach.

6. A burial spot next to Al Davis' - Well, he's not dead yet. But how cool would it be to put on your tombstone, "Just die, baby."

5. NBA League Pass on Direct TV - If she says you don't put enough effort into the relationship just turn on any NBA game. Then she'll see what it really looks like when someone isn't trying.

4. A book chronicling baseball commissioner Bud Selig's accomplishments - Show your girlfriend that no matter how bad you might mess up in the future, you will never fail as miserably as Bud Selig.

3. A Love Ballad CD performed by the stars of the NHL - Show me a woman who wouldn't enjoy hearing Evgeni Malkin singing Michael Bolton's "When a man loves a woman" and I'll show you a soon-to-be ex-girlfriend.

2. Ben Roethlisberger's phone number - Let's get real, she'd leave you for him in a heart beat. And you didn't even remember Valentine's Day. It's not like you two had a future.

1. A wedding ring - No, I'm just kidding. Shawn Kemp never bought a ring and he has a happy family of thirteen children with nine different women.